


Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice

by TheYellowTurtle



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bromance, Friendship, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2151318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYellowTurtle/pseuds/TheYellowTurtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh Sehun never pegged his roommate to be one for cross-dressing.<br/>However, Tao isn't cross-dressing.<br/>And she definitely isn't lying when she says she's a girl, despite the status of her genitalia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was the most difficult thing I've ever had to write. I hope that as a cisgender person I have managed to do the topic justice and in a manner that isn't offensive. If something is horribly off and/or offensive, please let me know. 
> 
> Tao and Sehun's relationship will be purely platonic. 
> 
> There are hints of Hunhan and Taoris in the story. 
> 
> Originally posted on AFF and unedited (hopefully I have time to go back later).

"Oh Sehun, you are a twisted, heartless piece of shit that doesn't even deserve to step on  _grass!_  I can't stand this! I can't stand  _you_  anymore! It's over," Lu Hua screeches before turning on her heel, storming off to the library and leaving the scent of citrus perfume behind. I watch her blonde ponytail swing with each stomp, my head titled.

I guess this means I'm single now after...however long that relationship lasted.

The wind tousles my bangs. 

I should go do my homework. There's nothing better to do. 

Treading the familiar path to my dorm doesn't take long and I'm soon pushing the door to my room open. My mouth drops when I register the scene before me. What in the fuck is Tao wearing?

I've known Tao for a couple of months now. He's a relatively decent roommate. He keeps to himself, is more attentive of his appearance than most guys and rarely talks to me excluding the polite greetings and telling of goings. The only personal things I've learned are that he's Chinese and here on a full scholarship. Overall, he's just Tao; nothing more, nothing less. 

Nowhere in my conscious did I ever picture Tao decked out in drag, but alas there he is frozen in place, gaping at me as he tries to cover the pleated black skirt, sparkly blue tank and the "boobs" under said top. A wavy, black wig and a bright red lipstick somehow ties the look together. 

Under my gaze, his mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. "P-please don't tell anyone! Please! I'll do anything! I can request to switch or never talk to you again, just please don't tell anyone!!" he begs with teary eyes, smudging the eyeliner he has on. 

Taking a step forward, Tao flinches back. "It's ok," I slowly lift up my hands, "I have no problem with gay people. It's totally cool. There's no reason to freak out, man."

The tears begin to flow down his face even faster, causing my brows to furrow. What the hell did I say wrong? I really don't give a fuck if he wants the dick. 

"I-I'm tr-transgender, I'm not gay," he chokes out between rubbing at his eyes. 

Transgender. What the fuck is transgender? Fuck, he's looking at me. Say something!

Running a hand through my hair, I say the first thing that comes to mind, "That's totally ok. Being yourself is ok, man. I'm supportive of umm trans...transgender rights!" I force my lips to form a smile. This is so fucking awkward.

Tao looks down at his feet, the wig cascading around his shoulders. 

"Umm. I'm just gonna grab this," I snatch the nearest object on my desk,"and get some studying done." 

I wait for a response, but Tao continues to stare the wooden floor, his shoulders shaking. 

"It's ok, man," I say offhandedly as I exit the room. 

Taking a deep breath when the door is finally shut behind me, I look down at the object in my hands. It's my fucking cat paperweight. 

 

***

 

_The little girl cries when her parents force her to wear pants for her birthday party. She doesn't want to wear pants, she wants to wear pretty dresses like all the other little girls._

_The little girl frowns when she opens her presents. They're all fire trucks or action figures._

_The little girl avoids the caresses of her relatives when they dote on her saying things like "what a handsome boy" or "what a strong boy."_

_The little girl smiles when she is allowed to wear the ribbon of one of the gifts wrapped around her head. She doesn't notice her parents' concerned stares and doesn't realize that when she's enrolled in a wushu class months later that there's more to it than socializing._

 

***

 

Resting my head on my palm, I look around the room. The professor's droning is endless and half of the students are trying to stop themselves from nodding off in the lecture hall. The only person somewhat awake is Jongin and that's because he's not paying attention to the lecture. He's much too busy drooling over thoughts of Kyungmi, the feisty captain of the judo team.

I rub at my eyes with a yawn. Why the fuck did I choose this class? Who the fuck takes anthropology? What the hell do you even do with anthropology? People suck major dick, why would anyone want a degree on them? I should be doing better things with my life right now.

A flash of Tao in drag comes to mind. The mental image causes me to groan to myself. It's been so fucking awkward ever since that day; he won't even look me in the eye. Changing rooms would be a pain in the ass, so I would like to work it out.

Transgender...I still have no idea what the fuck that means. Why the hell did I think it would be a good idea to say that I did?

My eyes stray to my open laptop. I'm not taking notes on this shit class; I should just google it. Typing in the word, I quickly hit the enter button and choose the first option. 

_Transgender: denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of female or male gender._

Google, you have failed me. This ambiguous shit tells me nothing about my roommate's cross-dressing tendencies. 

I look at the time in the upper-right hand corner and groan. This class is too long; I could be using this time to figure out what the hell is going on with Tao. Wait. Existentialism and shit...the meaning of life is to find my own meaning. The purpose of life is definitely not this shitty class. Fuck this class and anthropology. I'm leaving. 

Standing up from my seat, I grab my laptop and run out of the room. 

Ten minutes later, I throw open the door of my room to find Tao at his desk typing something. He blinks at me before quickly turning away. 

Plopping myself onto the long twin bed, I stare at his side profile. "Hey Tao, I have a question," his fingers freeze on the keyboard, "what does being transgender mean? Why were you dressing in drag?"

With a sigh, he closes his laptop and glares at me. "Didn't you say you supported transgender rights and that you knew what it was?"

"I say lots of stupid shit," I supply before playing with my bangs, "Can you you just tell me? It's been really fucking awkward between us lately and I don't know about you, but I liked our symbiosis." 

"Staring at each other was symbiotic to you?" he narrows his eyes. 

I nod, straight-faced. 

He sighs, running a hand through his ebony hair. "Transgender is basically when your gender does not match up with your sex."

I blink, causing him to continue. "Sex would be your biology, like XX or XY. Gender would be your sense of being a boy or girl."

"What does this mean for you?" I question after processing his words. 

Tao looks down at his hands. "It means I was a male assigned at birth, but I identify as a female." 

Wiggling from side to side, I play with the ends of my body pillow and nod. "Got it."

We stare at each other until he returns his attention to his laptop and resumes typing.

Later that night, after fluffing my pillow, I turn to Tao. "So you're a girl, right?"

Rubbing his eyes, he nods. 

"Does that mean I should treat you like a girl?"

He leans back against his pillow. "You don't have to necessarily treat me like a girl; just thinking of me as a girl and treating me like a human being would be ideal."

I nod to myself as I rest on my pillow. "I'm not exactly a people person, but I can do that." 

 

***

 

I abruptly sit up from my desk, causing Tao to flinch in his seat.

"Tao! How on earth are we rooming together? You're a girl and I'm a guy, I'm pretty sure that goes against school code."

Fiddling with his loose shirt, he replies, "I haven't come out or legally changed my gender, so the school doesn't know."

Biting my lip, I nod in understanding. "So you're kind of a bad ass breaking all of the rules."

I dodge the pencil thrown at me.

 

***

 

"Tao?"

He- no she? looks at me, taking another bite of her? sandwich. 

"Since you're a girl, does that mean I use feminine pronouns for you? Should I be she-ing and her-ing in my mind when referring to you?"

Tao nods, a blush on hi- her cheek. "I prefer those pronouns." 

Humming, I take a bite of my meatball grinder. "I prefer the masculine pronouns, thought I'd clarify."

Tao, she, smacks me on the arm. 

 

***

 

I watch Tao flip through the pages of hi- her book as she leans on her palm. Fidgeting in the wooden chair, I try to find a position suitable for studying. After five minutes of pointlessly wiggling around, I slam my book shut with a groan. 

Tao flinches in her seat and sends me a glare. "Be quiet, we're in the library and I need to study for my chemistry test." 

Sighing, I take out my cell and begin to play 2048. Twenty minutes later I click out of the game and toss my cell to the side. Fucking impossible games. 

With nothing to do, I study Tao's side-profile. She's actually kind of hot. She has that mysterious bad boy? girl? look going on with obsidian eyes and puffy eye bags. Her hair is always on point and constantly changing color and length. Whatever the hot look is, her hair is soon sporting it. It's currently a bright red that contrasts nicely with her tan skin tone and the black gages she likes to wear so much. 

Watching her nibble on her lip in concentration, I reach over and poke her in the arm. When I am met with no response, I do it again. "Tao. Tao. Tao."

Her eyes throw daggers at me. "What?!"

"I'm bored," I declare, throwing myself onto the table. 

"Then find a way to entertain yourself," she growls before returning to her textbook. 

I groan and kick my legs at the ground. "Tao?"

She inhales sharply. 

"Do you like boys? Are you gay?"

Sighing, she closes her chemistry book and turns to me, arm resting on the chair. "I don't like boys. I'm attracted to girls, so I'm a lesbian." 

"Oh," my mouth drops and silence envelopes us as she studies me. "Tao? Doooo you like anyone?

She smacks my deltoid, a blush decorating her cheeks. "No, I'm too distracted by my insufferable roommate to find the time to like someone."

Smiling, I bring my hands to my cheeks."I feel so special."

She rolls her eyes, laughing. 

 

***

 

I lay face down on Tao's bed clutching her cheetah body pillow as she puts on her pajamas behind the divider. Tao never shows her body around me. However, the divider is an improvement from her going to the bathroom every time she needs to change clothes.

"Hey, get off my bed." She smacks my back for emphasis.

Shaking my head, I snuggle further into the pillow. "No, your bed smells nice like you; the scent of peaches and cream." 

"C'mon Sehun I need to go to bed."

"Then join me," I state and pull her by the arm into the bed with me. I make sure not to wrap my arms around her waist- she didn't like that before- and opt for shoving my nose into her nape, deeply inhaling. Chuckling, she pushes me back with her elbow.

 

***

 

"Hey Tao," I call, "Can I ask a personal question?"

She hums from behind the divider.

"A lot of trans people have surgery or take hormones, right? Are you going to do that, too?"

The rustle of clothes stops.

"Tao?"

"Maybe, I don't know," she mumbles.

"Why not?"

She steps out from the divider, playing with her bangs. "Reasons."

"What kind of answer is that?" I persist.

"An answer," she smirks.  It doesn't reach her eyes.

 

***

 

Throwing my bag onto the nearest chair, I fall back onto my bed. I watch Tao walk into the room with heavy feet; she flinches when she glimpses herself in the mirror. I frown at the reaction, remembering some of the personal accounts I've read online about being transgender.

Tao is constantly seen as a guy and treated as one; it must be agonizing. 

I pull my knees to my chest, observing Tao slowly peeling off her leather jacket. 

"Tao." She turns to me, her eyes downcast. "Tao, umm you can dress as yourself when we're alone. I have no problem with you doing your makeup and putting on a skirt and stuff if that makes you happy. There's no reason to hide yourself from me."

Smooth arms envelop me before I can take another breath. 

"Thank you," I hear through sniffles. Resting my chin on her shoulder, I rub up and down her shaking back. 

"You don't need to thank someone for being yourself, idiot."

 

***

 

_The girl stares at the other girls as she dribbles the basketball. Why couldn't she be over there instead? Basketball is ok, but she would rather be over there drawing with the chalk._

_The girl is left to pay with the rest of the boys- they say she's a boy as well. She thinks about it sometimes. The girl does look like boys, but something about that word, that description doesn't feel right._

_The girl finds girls pretty like the rest of the boys, but something doesn't feel right._

_The girl remembers what her parents have told her. It's important to be liked and to not be picked on. People that look like the girl get picked on for wanting to do things with the girls._

_The girl decides to stay with the boys._

 

***

 

DBSK thrums through the speakers as I pull Tao to the back of the store where the women's clothing is. Her heeled boots click on the tiled floors and her numerous bangles jangle with each step. When I turn my head, her smile nearly blinds me. 

Girl's Night Out does wonderful things for Tao. For about two months now, Tao and I have been going out on the weekends to wherever feels right. The movies, shopping, going out to eat or finding our way to the park; anywhere we please. And the best part is that Tao is able to dress like herself. 

The burgundy dress she's wearing tonight is doing wonders for her legs and the makeup she pestered me into helping her do earlier compliments the look perfectly. The smoky eye and the black nails? I did that. 

We stop in front of the accessory section, Tao eyeing a pair of small, black and silver hoops. 

"Do you like them?"

Her eyes remain on the earrings as she barely acknowledges my question with a nod. 

"I'll buy them for you," I sing and snatch the set off the hook. "You can meet me outside." 

Ten minutes later when I step outside the shop, Tao is nowhere to be found. Craning my neck, I search far and wide and before seeing a familiar flash of bleach blonde hair. Walking closer, I see Tao kneeling in front of an old man with a scraggly beard and tattered clothes. Smiling as she says something, she takes money out of her studded purse and presses it into his hands before standing up and making her way back to the shop. 

Her eyes brighten when she sees me waving. Grabbing my hand, she entwines it with hers. "Thank you, Sehun." 

"No problem," I supply, "Where do you wanna go next?"

She hums as she begins to swing our hands. "How about that pastry shop around the corner?"

I promptly nod and begin to walk faster, causing her to laugh. My eyes dazzle when we step into the store. The sights and the smells are overwhelming; I'm in heaven. Tao immediately orders a chocolate cupcake and looks on as I practically drool over everything. 

After ordering an éclair, some macarons, a cream horn, and a mille-feuille; we find a cozy table to sit at in the corner of the shop. 

"Sehun, I don't think I've ever seen you look so happy," Tao comments as she bites into her cupcake. 

I raise a brow, "That's because you haven't seen me having an orgasm." 

The smack on my arm is well deserved. 

 

***

 

_The teenage girl would love to feel the press of breasts against her chest, long hair entwined in her fingers, the scent of plums and vanilla filling her nose, and the taste of sugar as she explored someone's mouth. The teenage girl would love that very much._

_The teenage girl knows that those who look like her would feel the same. That the label she had been given as male means she is supposed to be attracted to females._

_The teenage girl, however, when she looks in the mirror, hates what she sees. She hates what her reflection shows._

_The teenage girl avoids the mirror, she avoids looking at the body that is natural to others and torture to her._

_The teenage girl tries to ignore the deepening of her voice, the hair growth, her bulky figure and the other things she can't control._

_The teenage girl tries to bury the animosity for her body deep within herself. She tries, but still wakes up in the middle of the night panting, twitching, clawing at the body that doesn't belong._

_The teenage girl only feels a sense of relief when she dons a wig for the first time._

 

***

 

I walk in stride with Tao as we head to the library. She wants to study, so I'll accompany her and pretend to study. 

Playing with the ends of my red scarf, I watch the little puffs of white rising in the air. 

"Hey Tao, what's your favorite place?"

She rubs her sleep-laden eyes. "Probably the beach in my hometown. I really liked taking walks there."

"You should take me one day," I grin. 

"Nah."

I freeze, gaping. "Nah?! Why not?!" I clutch onto her leather jacket. However, before she can reply, a guy pushes past me and says,"Fags," through clenched teeth. 

Brows furrowed, I watch him walk away before turning to Tao. Her face is pale and eyes downcast.

"Don't worry about it," I say patting her shoulder. However, as we make our way to the library, I can't help but noticed the glares and hushed 'fags' from numerous bystanders. What the hell is going on?

"Sehun!" Turning I find Jongin walking towards me, before I can greet him though, he has already pulled me off to the side. 

"Jongin, what's going on?"

He ruffles his hair with a sigh and warily meets my gaze. "I'll just get to the point. There are pictures of you and Tao circulating when you're on a date and umm Tao is in drag."

My hearts drops. 

"Thought I should let you know, man." He pats my shoulder and walks away.

Slowly, I turn back to Tao. Her eyes are wide and hands clutched and shaking. 

"Tao!" I call out and take a step. 

She backs away, shaking her head. "I want to be alone right now, Sehun." 

"But-"

"Leave me the fuck alone, Sehun," she growls with watery eyes. 

I watch her leave.

 

***

 

Life is such a weird thing. If you told me a year ago that I would have a transgender best friend, I would have called you crazy. Me? Having a best friend? Such a thing wasn't possible. 

I had heard it all before. You don't care about this relationship as much as I do. You're self-centered and incapable of caring for others. You don't care about anything. Do you even know what motivation is? What long-term goals are?

To an extent, I knew those words to be true. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with my life, what I really cared about. All I knew is that I needed food, water, and shelter to continue on with the game of life.

But then I met Tao and I started thinking. Here was a person that was fighting, struggling to feel the least bit at home in their own body. Here was a person living a life I didn't even know was possible. Here was a person that taught me about sex and gender and struggle and self-acceptance. 

How could I whine to such a person? How could I possibly compare? 

And now here I am, lying under a tree, watching the clouds drift by, thinking about life. 

Faggot. I never thought such a word would be used to describe me and I certainly never thought that people spewing shit would bother me. Who knew Oh Sehun was capable of caring about the words of others, not because they were aimed at him, but because of the way they would affect another? Of having a best friend and being one? Who fucking knew?

Sighing, I sit up and lean against the tree trunk. 

Life is such a fucking bizarre thing. If life is a game, then there is only one rule: no extra lives. People like to believe there's more rules and that there's an ultimate prize at the end, but I don't think that's true. You can do whatever the fuck you want, so you might as well do it. 

Hitting myself on the forehead, I groan. Since when do I have deep reflections on life and myself?

I stand up and brush the dirt off my jeans. 

Tao is my friend and I plan on keeping it that way. 

I walk towards our dorm.

 

***

 

I freeze upon shutting the door behind me, Tao's cries wracking through my core. 

I look on with wide eyes at the sight before me. Tao's clothes -male and female- are strewn all over the floor as well as the collection of textbooks that were on her shelves. Shattered glass and droplets of blood lead to the shaking, black cocoon situated on bed. Tao.

Cautiously, I tip-toe through the wreckage. I stop at her bedside, afraid to reach out. 

"Tao?"

"G-go away, S-s-sehun," she manages to vocalize despite the tears and labored breathing. 

"I can't do that, Tao." My words cause the hyperventilating to quicken. 

"P-please go away Sehun. I-i-it's all my f-f-fault that ev-everyone is making fun of y-you, th-that everyone thinks you're gay." 

"I don't care if everyone thinks I'm gay, Tao. What I care about is you. Everyone else can go fuck themselves."

Sniffles permeate the room. "I-I'm scared, Sehun. T-they, everybody hates me and th-that's because they think I'm g-gay. What- what would they do if they f-found o-out I was trans? I-I-I don't want everyone to hate m-me. I d-don't want everyone to l-look at me like I'm a disgusting freak. I hate this so much, Sehun. I hate this b-body. I hate t-that I'm too afraid to change it. I hate m-myself. Wh-why can't I just be normal? Why couldn't I have just been born as a girl?!" 

Swallowing, I reach out and pull the comforters away from her face. The sight of her bleeding chin and chest causes my eyes to water. "Listen here, Tao. You aren't a freak. You're fucking perfect. You are kind and beautiful and intelligent and caring and so much better than all those other people that talk shit about things they know nothing about. Ok? You got that?!"

Blinking, I tightly wrap my arms around her and begin to pat her back. "It doesn't matter what the world thinks. What matters is what you want. If you want to start on hormones or get a sex reassignment surgery, then you should do it because it's what you want. It's what you want and it's your fucking body. You only have one body, so you should make sure you're happy with it." 

Tao clutches my shirt and sniffles into the juncture of my neck. 

"No matter what you decide Tao, I'll always be your friend. I'll always be that insufferable idiot by your side if you'll have me."

A laugh breaks through her tears. "I love you too much to get rid of you, stupid."

"Good, because I don't want to be the only one committed to this relationship." I pull back from the hug, smiling and lean in to peck her cheek. 

"What was that for?" she wipes at her reddened eyes. 

"For being so beautiful," I stroke back her ebony hair, "I hope one day you'll be able to show the world just how beautiful you are."

Tears run down her face. "Why are you being so cheesy today?"

I poke her cheek. "What's cheesy about telling the truth?"

I accept the smack to my arm, with tears in my eyes and a smile on my lips. 

 

***

 

_The young woman struggles to leave what she has known all her life behind; she struggles to transition._

_The young woman knows that she is a female and that being able to have the body she desires would take the endless torture away. The young woman knows all of that, but she is afraid._

_The young woman is afraid of the glares of others, the taunts of others, the hatred of others. She knows that a transition cannot be without loss. She knows that being yourself can even drive the people that raised you away. She knows all of that._

_The young woman is scared._

_The young woman wants someone to love her for all that she is._

 

***

 

I fidget with the cuff links on my tux, tapping my foot on the ground. Playing with my bangs, I look at the time on my watch again. Soon. Very soon it will be time fo-

"Sehun," a sweet voice calls as a smooth hand entwines with mine. Looking up, I smile. Tao.

"You look beautiful," I comment looking into her eyes. Her black hair is curled with part of it pulled back. Subtle makeup highlights her strong eyes and pink lips. The A-Line dress accents her curves perfectly, creating the image of an hourglass. The bodice of the dress is crafted with lace and simplistic beading, only adding to the Cinderella effect. The lace veil is the perfect final touch. Beautiful. 

"Really?" she grins.

I stare at her with dead eyes. "No, you're ugly like usual."

Shaking her head, she smacks me on the arm. "You're not allowed to say shit like that on a bride's wedding day." 

I poke her blushed cheek with a laugh. "You can if you're walking her down the aisle." 

"That's even worse! The man walking the bride down the aisle is supposed to think she's the most beautiful female in the world, well besides the person waiting," she retorts. 

"Well, then as the man who made your wedding cake, I am allowed to say it."

"No, you're not!" She laughs poking me in the stomach. 

"Yes, I am! I am the daddy that makes cakes today and you should listen to your daddy, Tao!" I grin. 

Tao smacks me on the arm again. "Keep your kinky shit to yourself, Sehun!" 

Reaching over to tickle her side, the door opens to reveal one of the workers for the venue. "It's time to walk," the middle-aged woman relays. With a nod, I turn to Tao and carefully help her place the delicate veil over her head. 

Tao's hand finds mine again. "Thank you so much, Sehun," her eyes are watering as she smiles.

Blinking, I lean in to press a kiss to her covered forehead and wrap my arms around her. It's still the same as it was all those years ago. Yes, Tao's body has changed greatly, but the Tao of now, the one in my arms, is still as warm and beautiful and kind. 

With our arms linked, I slowly lead her down the aisle as that cheesy ass wedding march plays. When we reach the altar, her arm slips out of mine and she smiles at me one last time before turning to Kristina and her new life. 

I bite my lip and clutch my hands as I watch them exchange vows. Muttering a curse, I wipe at the tears running down my face. The stupid fucking feels.

 

 

***

 

_The woman smiles when she looks in the mirror._

**Author's Note:**

> Sehun grabbed a cat paperweight in the beginning because the cat's out of the bag! ....haha....ha....I like puns 0.0
> 
> Kristina Wu~ Let Taoris just be causally shipped.
> 
> The definition of transgender is what you get if you search "define transgender." (So credit to google, I guess)


End file.
